


Awake

by jeweljem



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Brief mentions of other characters - Freeform, For killing Lance, Forgive Me, I'm Sorry, M/M, RIP, Songfic, dont read if you want fluff, not really - Freeform, really angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-07 00:14:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11047281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeweljem/pseuds/jeweljem
Summary: Keith's letter to Lance.





	Awake

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a friend. After a lot of contemplation, I decided to post it so I hope you guys enjoy it. I'm sorry (not really?) I'll edit this later and change a few things probably.
> 
> The song in this fic is by Jin in Bts, it's absolutely beautiful. The lyrics are from the English cover by Elise though and here's the link for that:
> 
> https://youtu.be/ZmHDXtWYe9g
> 
> It would be best to listen to the song to the song before reading this but you don't have to. This was also inspired by a fanart which I'll have to look for because I deleted it apparently, so please bear with me. 
> 
> Please comment and criticise this so I can improve my writing. I don't mind hate comments as long as you justify why you hated it so much.

_________________________________

_It's not that I believe_  
_But that I am trying 'cause it's the only, the only thing I can do_

  
_______________________________

Dear...

I thought that I was truly alone. Wandering aimlessly, after my parents' death, helpless, weak, unwanted. Not until Shiro's parents adopted me. I'm grateful to them , honestly I am. But you were different. I have never felt as safe, cherished, and loved when we first hugged. You felt warm, your scent washed over me, your entire being surrounded me. Don't let me fool you, I might've said multiple times that I hated that you were taller than me. The truth is, our height differences made cuddling much easier. I'd like to believe that we were two puzzle pieces made for each other, carefully crafted to perfectly fit in each other's arms. If you were here right now, I can picture your smirk curling at the corner of your mouth, probably bursting into laughter at my thoughts. You'll say a cheesy pick up line, while giving me finger guns, while I'll pretend to be annoyed, but really my heart is ready to jump out of my chest. I miss you.

Just one day, one day is all I ask for. I never had the chance to tell you how you make me feel. We wasted so much time dancing around each other, when we could've spent that time wrapped in each other's arms, spending countless hours arguing over nothing, enjoying each other's company... the list goes on. Without me realising, you became my home.

_______________________________

 

_I want to stay here_  
_I still want to dream here_  
_Even so, I know the time to leave has come near_

_______________________________

  
Without you, the emptiness in the universe seems more prominent. The vast nothing seems to reflect me. At this point you'll probably say something like, " Ha, Keith you're so emo!" To which I'll deny fiercely that I am in fact not emo. It's true. The universe, a place I've wanted to go to since Shiro introduced me to the space programme. That became my ultimate goal, to flee the Earth, a place where there's nothing left for me. I worked tirelessly, everyday just to leave, to be finally free. Once I heard that Shiro was missing, I felt furious, whoever was in charge of the universe seems to love to make fun of me. As you already know, I went overboard and got into so much trouble that even the favoured Keith Kagone was kicked out of the programme. I made it my mission to track Shiro down. It was how I kept sane, the world took so much from me, they're not going to get Shiro too. Everyday, my thoughts were only focused on tracking him down. I was hanging by the edge of the cliff, saving Shiro was what I focused on, otherwise I would've fell to the pit of darkness, enveloped by my own dark thoughts. But you're the reason I was okay again.

I know you've doubted your importance to me, to us, to Voltron, but believe me you pulled me out of my own mind. Your smile, your laugh, your shameless flirting gave me strength. I had a new goal to achieve. And that was to return to Earth with you. To home.

_______________________________

  
_Yeah it's my truth, it's my truth_  
_That these scars are drawn across my skin_  
_But it's my fate, it's my fate_  
_Even so, I still want to fight and win_

_______________________________

  
As I close my eyes every night, I can picture your eyes, filled with mirth, looking at me with a love-filled expression, deep pools of blue I would gratefully drown in. I admire you so much. Even in your last moments, you were smiling, promising that everything is going to be fine, reassuring me countlessly that you loved me , even if we both know what was really happening.

Its true that you're gone. I have physical and mental scars of your presence. Its asphyxiating. Your absence surrounds the entire Castle, leaving me feeling empty, once again. Everyone is walking on shattered glass, too afraid to address what happened again, too afraid to open wounds that are albeit slowly starting to heal, too scared to cry first, because everyone would start crying too. You were more important than you think you were. I wish I was able to tell you before you left. I'm promising myself one thing; I will fight and win. When we meet again, it'll be the first thing I'll say.

I remember how you made me feel. Everything was bathed in warmth, frozen stillness lasting for a moment, and before I know it, it's over.

_______________________________

  
_Maybe I, I can never fly_  
Fly like those flower petals there; spread my wings in the air  
No, I can't, yeah  
Maybe I, I can't touch the sky  
Even so I reach out my hand, run like I just began, a bit more

  
_______________________________

  
With you, I was able to fly, feel truly free and happy. Spreading my wings into the air, ready to jump off of anything, knowing that you're right behind me. Your hand was clasped tightly in mine, you once said you would never let go. Breaking that promise broke me too. But, I want you to know that I'm healing, at a gradual pace. Everything still reminds me of you, if I don't occupy myself with something else, your existence, which always lingers at the back of my mind comes and attacks me relentlessly, squeezing my heart, knocking my breath out of lungs. You've always had this impact on me, but this time, my heart is surrounded by sharpened barbed wires, which deeply digs into freshly cut wounds from when I last thought of you. Everyone has said, "Time heals everything." I think its true, I know you'd want me to move on and be happy again. I don't think I can forget you. You're one of a kind, a gem that belongs to be weaved into the fabric of the galaxy, a shining sight to be marvelled at by everyone in the universe. If you've ever heard me say this I'm sure you'd have a bigger head, if thats even possible.

_______________________________

  
_In all this darkness I'm just walking, I'm walking along_  
My happiness comes up to me and asks me with a frown  
"Are you, are you sure that you are okay?"  
Ooh no, eh  
I whisper, "No, I'm really not. I'm not. I'm so afraid."  
Holding onto the flowers tightly in my hand, I say:  
"I, I'm... I'm just walking, walking along"  
Ooh no

  
_______________________________

  
I wanted to spend time on Earth with you. I wanted to meet your favourite brother, your old but strong grandmother, your precious mother, who you fondly talked of all the time. I've been incredibly cheesy so far, pay no attention to it and bear with me. This might be the only time I'll ever open up like this. You were my entire world, every moment spent with you felt too quick, too rushed. There's a certain kind of pain that stems from remembering you. it's the sort of pain that comes from you being out of my reach, close enough to nearly feel you, but its impossible to capture. I can't hold onto it, I experience it momentarily, then its gone, fading, fleeting.

I replay every moment I've ever spent with you. I'm scared. I'm scared that I would forget you. Imprinting every memory of you is both painful and rewarding at the same time. I've even taken up drawing. Slowly starting to draw your image over and over again relaxes me. The crinkle of your eyes when you smile, the width of your shoulders and your nose, I'm learning to transfer our memories into physical images. This way, everyone won't forget the valiant saviour of the universe, who saved me from death.

Wait for me, please.

_______________________________

  
_But it's my fate, it's my fate  
Even so, I still want to fight and win ooh_

_Maybe I, I can never fly_  
Fly like those flower petals there; spread my wings in the air  
No, I can't, yeah  
Maybe I, I can't touch the sky  
Even so I reach out my hand, run like I just began, a bit more

_______________________________

  
Sometimes, I can picture you sitting right next to me, then the image would crack and slowly shatter, some of the fragmented shards pierces me while the rest dissolve into thin air. I often cried out, not realising my hand was raised, eager to capture your diffusing image. I blame myself for your death. If you were he right now you'll probably hit me at the back of my he'd and call me an idiot. I can't help it. Even now, it's too painful for me to even say your name. I will heal, for you. Everyone's helping each other to support ourselves when the castle gets to quiet with your usual laughter and rambunctiousness evidently missing from the now even more empty Castle Lion, or when no one complains with Hunk about the green goop for food. We're all slowly healing. Don't worry, I'll see you again. You better be waiting for me and not flirting with anyone else you sexy ass.

  
Wait for me, please

_______________________________

  
_Wide awake, wide awake, wide awake_  
Don't cry (cry, cry)  
Wide awake, wide awake, wide awake  
No lie (no lie, no lie, no lie yeah)  
Wide awake, wide awake, wide awake  
Don't cry (don't cry, don't cry~)  
Wide awake, wide awake, wide awake  
No lie (lie, lie)

_______________________________

  
I've come to accept that this is reality. Although I can't help but wish that all of this was just a twisted nightmare. When I wake up, you'll be right next to me, snoring loudly, with your stupid sleeping mask on. Instead, I wake up alone, in a too quiet castle, missing the feeling of your body pressed against mine.

The universe has been somewhat merciful.  I've been able to sleep a few hours every night. The world of unconsciousness greets me with open arms, my safe haven to escape from this cruel reality. Sometimes, I see you in that world with me. Often, we're spending stolen time with each other, doing nothing and everything. Fulfilling promises like going to the ocean in the realms of fiction. It's not all sunshine and rainbows of course. Reliving the nightmare of your death rips me out of that world and thrusts me into the world of the living, with a choked gasp and tears streaming down my face. I was never able to go back to sleep after nights like this. I'm glad nights like these happen rarely.

I'm trying, I really am.

_______________________________

  
_Maybe I, I can never fly_  
Fly like those flower petals there; spread my wings in the air  
No, I can't, yeah  
Maybe I, I can't touch the sky  
Even so I reach out my hand, run like I just began, a bit more

_______________________________

When you were with me, you gave me wings to fly high up into the sky, the galaxy, to my happiness. But your death has severed those wings, leaving me suspended in mid air, amidst the chaos you left behind. I found myself falling, flailing, looking behind me only to realise you're not there. Not anymore. You shouldn't have died for me. Your stupid ass should've just let me get hit. It's too late now. I'm going to have to learn to fly on my own, and maybe I would be able to reach the stars once again. For you, I'll get there.

For the first time since your death, I'm able to say this:

I love you Lance  
_______________________________

A/N: Well that's the end of this fic. Hope you guys enjoyed this dose of angst. I am not responsible for any broken hearts, tears and anger since you have been warned ;).

**Author's Note:**

> Whale done for reaching the end of this fic. I hold no responsibility over tears and broken hearts. Hope you guys enjoyed it and leave a kudos or a comment please. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.


End file.
